Tuesday, June 3, 2008

blah- emotional vomit

I feel pretty anxious right now. I feel like everything I do is being watched and has repercussions. I feel super defensive. And I don't quite know how to fix it. I think its because I am scared. I hate this feeling. Trying to let Emolyn bring the smile back to my face and turn this frown upside down. But how does life just go on? Do other people just get over things? Like "poof" nothing ever happened? I guess I need to get better at that and spend less time sulking over things that have been done. I can't change the past. I guess thats a hard life lesson that I seem to have to keep learning. Speaking of, my dad called me on mothers day. Left a message. I haven't called him back. Don't know what to say. I think I am wise enough though to not call him when I am emotional. 
So I am seeing now how blogging can be like a journal/diary and not just a "look at pictures of my baby" site. But now do I post an emotionally vulnerable blog? I am a little embarrassed. Should I include a picture of Emolyn so everyone is left with warm fuzzys even if I am not? Well, its up to you I guess.

8 comments:

Miranda said...

I am praying for you sister :)

Marianne said...

This sounds like some classic PPD. I have a "bit" of advice: open your heart (and your mind)to the power of love. There is enough love in your small family of three (not to mention the hundreds of extended fam and friends)to start another life form on a distant planet. Of course, that is one of the reasons you are feeling like you do. Be selfish! Find yourself again, and be your own best friend. And if you still feel like this in a couple of weeks, or even tomorrow, go to the dr. and get some meds. It could be a chemical imbalance. Keep on keeping on! Oh, and btw, thanks for posting a cute fuzzy,too.

Kelly said...

Girl, you need to speak to your doctor right now. I was put on anti anxiety medicine last Oct and my son was 2 1/2 and I should've done it alot sooner. Emolyn will thank you for it. And you will be proud of yourself for doing it too.

Kelly said...

btw, mine was a hormonal imbalance.

brandi said...

When Alex was born, we planned on me staying home. I wanted to stay home with him, so I gave notice to my work. Then when he was 7 weeks old we moved to a new town.

It was so hard! I lived in a new city, with a new baby, Aaron had a new job and I had none. I didn't have any friends to do things with for 2 years until Kristen had Kennady and my other friend had a baby. It was really depressing. Nothing like I thought it was going to be.

No one can prepare you for a baby. It was so much more work than having another job, yet so rewarding. I am so much better now, but it really is hard sometimes. I will be praying for you. Message me anytime-brandily1@gmail.com

kristen said...

Girl I am sorry you feel this way but talk about it all you want because this is your blog!

I can say motherhood brings on so many different emotions and they never go away. I deal with guilt,worry, anxiety, and pressure to be a good mom and I can admit I fail at that a lot. It can be extremely overwhelming! I have decided that my blog can looks a little unreal sometimes because we look so happy and perfect but trust me it is not like that and I am trying to put the not so pretty things out there more!

Just know we are praying for you and this new life you are adjusting to. Remember to give God your burdens and he will carry them for you!

love ya kristen

Skerrib said...

I like to think about furry kittens, and rainbow unicorns, and then I hear an audible -poof!- and I'm all fixed again.

NanAZ said...

Thanks for sharing Nicole. I'll be praying for you. As mentioned, it could be hormonal, but could also just be that you're going thru a HUGE adjustment in your life which is taking the majority of your time, energy and attention. Give it some time and take it to the Lord. Sometimes I can sort things out better when I write my prayers, because while I'm writing to God about what I'm feeling, many times he lays things on my heart that I may not have considered before. It's definitely good to share it with those you trust who can love you and pray with/for you.